


Of Blooming and Bloody Carnations

by DeCappuccino



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, F/F, Hanahaki Disease, Human AU, Messy, Minor Angst, Near Death Experiences, One Shot, One-Sided Attraction, Pining, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-16
Updated: 2020-10-16
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,738
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26828971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeCappuccino/pseuds/DeCappuccino
Summary: Lapis is in love. The flowers are telling her so.
Relationships: Amethyst/Peridot (Steven Universe), Lapis Lazuli/Peridot (Steven Universe)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 42





	Of Blooming and Bloody Carnations

She is fourteen when it starts.

Beautiful, blood red petals drift from her open lips. They dance quietly in the wind, fluttering carelessly. She catches them with a quick flick of her wrist, shoving them into her swimming trunks. 

She isn’t stupid. She knows what they are.

She rubs her sweaty palms against her pants, breathing in and out. Crimson colored Carnations grew somewhere within her chest cavity. Filling her ribs with an ever longing ache. 

But her best friend is there. Crouched by the riverbed, all silly grins and sparkling eyes. Babbling something unintelligible from the sidelines.

She took in the sight, a smile ghosting on her lips. A holler, and suddenly they’re bickering. An easy banter, something she falls into with comfortable ease.

She was born in Hawaii, but remembers boarding a plane and never looking back. She was the new kid. The transfer student in the tiny town of Beach City, Delmarva. The first day of school was a mess. A messy first encounter with a dweeby little gremlin.

Together since elementary school, the two of them were inseparable after a chaotic start. Her nerd’s logic and brains were a stark contrast to the obnoxious raw energy her own personality possessed. 

Of course, that meant they fought a lot in the beginning. Clashing personalities and moral disagreements. Over something seemingly so trivial— yet held in high regards to two silly five year-olds. She remembers the trip home after. A firm scolding from her mother, and a slap on the wrist for yanking the other girl's ear. 

She liked to think it wasn’t her fault. That maybe if the other girl had just minded her own business, things would be fine. 

But really, it _was_ her fault. She was the first to resort to physical violence after all.

They both returned to school the next day, a jumble of tears and apologies. Turns out, as much as she was a wild card, bouncing around like she was constantly in flames, she did have a guilty conscience. 

It was hard to separate the two after that, and they quickly fell into their roles. The egotistical nerd, and her moody athletic companion.

Peridot Olivine was her best friend. And that was exactly it. Her _best friend_. There wasn’t any space for _falling in love_. Especially not when they were diving head-first into the stressful life of being a high school girl. 

She didn’t _want_ to think about those strikingly soft blue eyes. Hidden behind a pair of tinted yellow spectacles. A nerdy smile, and the expanse of freckles dotting her cheeks and sloping along her nose. She didn’t want to dwell on the way she’d practically squawk with joy at the sight of a new gaming console, or just the very idea of _aliens_ existing. She didn’t like to think about how cute she was in her baggy shirts during sleepovers, or her snarky nasally comebacks in the middle of the night.

So she kept it to herself. 

And the symptoms grew.

From petals, to full-on flowers. She could feel the vines coiling around her lungs with an iron grip. Every step tugged at her conscious, and every breath pulled her gut. She hated the way it tickled her throat when she spoke. She knew she would be reaching the point of no return. She’d need the surgery soon.

She was confronted with that fact full-force when Peridot herself fell in love.

But not with her. 

Of course it wouldn’t be with her.

Amethyst Rodriguez was a year older than the little blonde nerd. They were in their junior year when the two started dating. 

Lapis liked to believe she was indifferent to the whole ordeal. Never acting out of turn or jealousy. Looking back, she knew that was a lie. She knew because Garnet gave her knowing looks, and Pearl would hover around her like a worried mother, offering sympathies that Lapis would insist she had no idea of.

Peridot didn’t owe her anything. It wasn’t her fault the thorns started.

Could Carnations have thorns? She ponders, hunched over the toilet one night. Her throat burning as flowers loitered the floor. She always figured Hanahaki Disease was a myth. Something that only happened to the truly misfortunate. It wasn’t like this was medically possible anyways, right? No. Diagnosed cases were rare. Rare, but not impossible.

Surgery was always the next step. That, or death. She knew that _if_ she confessed and Peridot returned her feelings, the flowers would disappear almost immediately. Vanish like they were never there. Her mangled lungs magically intact like it never happened.

Then again, if she was rejected, death would come by quicker. She never entertained the fleeting idea of ever coming clean longer than a few moments. She only ever ran from confrontation anyways. Why would now be any different? 

She knew her mother would drop anything to aid her surgery. But she felt queasy at the thought. As much inconceivable emotional angst these feelings brought her, she couldn’t stomach the idea of dropping her connection (albeit a one-sided one) to Peridot just like that. 

No. 

No, she’d keep these feelings. Or she’d die trying.

She wondered what Peridot was doing at this exact moment. Hanging out with Amethyst? On a date? Or maybe she was down by the riverbed again. Poking at rocks and humming that cursed _Camp Pining Hearts_ theme song. 

Imagine her surprise to find the object of her affections at her doorstep a few moments later. Tears running down her face like an impromptu waterfall. 

Broken words and a slip of Amethyst’s name escape her lips before she’s pulled into a crushing embrace.

She spends that night in Lapis’ arms. And for a moment, the flowers recede.

Things are slightly easier after that. Her symptoms steadily progress, but at a much slower rate. Lapis isn’t sure why, but she isn’t complaining.

Graduation comes and goes and they decide to split the cost of college rent together. Neither girl was off drowning in poverty, but they also weren’t rolling in cash either. It's agreed they’d share an apartment together to attend the same University. 

Lapis doesn’t know if she should cry or run for the hills. Close contact always seemed to bring a flurry of petals leaving her lips before she could notice. She’s surprised Peridot hasn’t caught on yet. With the amount of random flowers she accidentally scattered around the flat on occasion, it should be obvious.

“Did you bring these home, Lapis?” Peridot asked once, blinking at the sudden new addition to their living room. A vase with a single brilliant red Carnation sat in clear water. It was hastily put together after the blonde came home during Lapis’ random spell of coughing.

She makes a noise of confirmation, forcing herself to take a swig of water to soothe her aching esophagus. Not that it helped. The stems were making their grand appearance now.

Smart, intelligent, beautiful Peridot… was denser than a brick wall it seemed.

She could feel her limbs growing heavier every day. Maybe it was the flowers sucking all the nutrients out of her body. Maybe she was just tired of it all. She half expected vines to start wriggling out her ears like worms. But she stayed steadfast in her decision to never say a word about it.

She figured it was almost time when she collapsed in the middle of movie night after grabbing another bag of popcorn.

“Laz?”

She wanted to respond, she really did. To put all of this behind her and just forget about it. But she was tired. She was tired and nothing would leave her lips. Nothing but those wretched and bloodied crimson Carnations. It seems like the thorns finally did their job.

She couldn’t see the shock plastered on Peridot’s face. The panic setting in on her features once she realized _just_ how far along Lapis was in her condition. But she could imagine it, and the sight tore at her heart.

“...o..kay.” She murmurs. Another bout of petals, and her chest death rattles as she exhales. “S’o… kay.” She tries again, managing to shift her body. She reaches out to thumb Peridot's cheek, swiping away the tears. 

“How long?” She cries. “How long, you clod?! Who is it?!”

Lapis wants to laugh. _You_ , she wants to say.

_It’s always been you._

She wants to make fun of her best friend’s silly expression. She wants to point out the snot dribbling out of her scrunched up nose and her high, pitchy, shrill voice. She wants to tell her.

_She wants, she wants, she wants..._

But she can’t. 

Even on death’s door she still can’t bring herself to.

What a fucking _coward_.

She smiles sadly instead, and Peridot cries as she pulls her closer. She threads her hand through blonde hair. Her chest heaves as her body struggles to expel her clogged lungs.

“You can’t leave.” Her face contorts, she’s distraught. “You aren’t allowed. W-What happened to getting our first dog together, you asshole? What happened to g-graduating and moving into a broken old barn in the middle of nowhere with me?” She buries her face into Lapis’ neck, shaky exhales and inhales. Lapis wonders if she can hear the flowers rattling in her ribcage.

“Please, Lapis.” She murmurs, “At least tell me who my best friend decided she’s worth dying for.”

Lapis pauses her feeble ministrations. Her voice is so melancholy. _So sad._ Not even the night she had her heart broken in high school, curled in Lapis’ arms, could compare. 

Maybe… 

She feels her resolve crumble, just like how she always seemed to do so around this girl.

A simple please was all it took.

Maybe she wouldn’t take her feelings to the grave.

Maybe she could do _one_ last thing for her best friend. 

She places a hand on Peridot’s shoulder, gently pushing her up so she could press a finger against her chest. Peridot looks at her in confusion, her eyebrows are knitted together, and her cheeks are flushed. Blue eyes desperately searching dark brown. 

Lapis takes a breath and it feels like her last one.

But under that intense, shockingly beautiful stare, she finally see’s something that’s always been there. The flowers seem to recede and melt away. The death rattle stops, and her chest finally feels free like it did seven years ago. 

She takes the leap.

_You._ She mouths.


End file.
